That all said, modern, third-wave feminism has some serious, serious issues that need to be addressed - including some issues that directly contradict what feminism is supposed to be about: equality, particularly in terms of gender. And I believe the direct cause is that my generation of women and their children have forgotten what feminism is supposed to be, and why women's rights was fought for in the first place.
I was up late last night (against my own best interest since I had to drive my grandfather to a doctor's appointment the next morning) and had been kind of strolling the web looking at some various news sources. I came across one article that, while I disagreed with the variant of feminism it was promoting, had an African-American lady (her description, not mine) who commented that she felt modern feminism addressed the concerns of middle-class white women more than ethnic women. She felt this was unfair, since white women, aside from the obvious gender identity, generally are not as oppressed in society as African-American, Hispanic, Latina, Native American, and Asian-American women are. She also brought up that she did not like calling herself a feminist due to this, and felt that until feminism itself changed there would continue to be an issue for her identifying as a feminist. And, being a white woman from a middle-class family myself who has faced a lot of stigma for other reasons than just being of the female gender, this comment made me think. There's no denying that women of other ethnic backgrounds to my own often face more stigma for their race than I would - I mean, could you imagine if I was Latina as well as aneurotypical, female, and secular (particularly that last one, considering how much religion factors into Latin American culture)? All this thinking led me to realize that I agreed with what this woman had said - current feminism in general seems to have issues regarding ethnic women, and worse yet, that might not be the only thing feminism has issues with.
Is it any wonder, then, that sites like "Women Against Feminism" (for however much criticism they get and however hypocritical they may be) exist, when things like the following issues occur with feminism as a whole?
Feminism does indeed, as a whole, appear to be tailored mostly towards white, middle-class women rather than women of other ethnic groups. Think about the way white women are portrayed in media versus how African-American women are treated in media. Yes, both are sexualized, but which ethnicity is sexualized and therefore fetishized more? How many commercials featuring smart, confident black businesswomen or positive portrayals of black females in general have you seen lately compared to positive portrayals of white women? How many models have you seen in newspaper ads that are African-American as opposed to white? How about dating sites or porn sites - how many sites have you seen advertised that say "meet sexy, single Asian/African-American/Hispanic women in your area today!" as opposed to sites that advertise meeting "sexy, single white women"? Chances are, you've seen a lot more commercials, music videos, movies, etc. where women who are ethnic are treated more like exotic fetish symbols than women. Look at the way a Beyonce video is filmed versus the way a Taylor Swift video is filmed. Both female artists do pop songs, but Beyonce's are much more heavily sexualized than Taylor's. Hell, I can't remember the last time I saw a film that had a Hispanic or black female protagonist in any way, but I can name plenty that have a white female protagonist and maybe one or two with an Oriental female protagonist. Of all the woman (and there were more women than men!) I have worked with in my career as a Chemistry Technician, only one of them was a black woman, and none of them were Hispanic/Latina or Asian-American. It's definitely the case in society I think that women of other ethnicities to my own get a lot more sexism directed towards them than me. Hell, even on the dance floor I have personally seen many more ethnic women being groped or uncomfortably hit on by people than me (not that I have never experienced any sexism or unwanted sexual advances at a party; I have, but that is not the issue at hand here). Let's be honest, ladies - if you are a straight, cissexual, white female, how often have you been catcalled, wolf-whistled at, groped, told you're lesser by someone else because of your gender, etc. Now, if you're a straight, cissexual, ethnic female, how many times have you gotten this? My guess is the ethnic ladies in the audience have gotten it way more, because let's face it, ethnic women are seen as "exotic" and "looser" than white women. Hispanic/Latina and African-American women in particular are expected to wear skimpier clothes, heavier make-up, to dance "sexier" on the dance floor, to be "party animals". Make no mistake, people - this is fetishizing women, this is sexism, this is 100% wrong... and I, as a white woman, simply don't get as much of this because I'm white. Society says I have more of a right not to be harassed than a black woman, simply because I was born with less melanin in my skin.
And feminism fails to even remotely focus on this idea.
Out of all the most vocal feminists I have ever met, most of them were white girls my age. Some of the nastiest sides of feminism as a movement that I have seen involve white women talking over ethnic women about what they feel ethnic women need. I have seen white women tell Muslim, ethnically Arabian women that they are being oppressed because of a religious choice that these women themselves made. Who am I as a white woman to tell someone else what is or is not oppressive? If I want to sew, cook, and be a stay-at-home mother while my husband does the work, am I really oppressed if I chose that life for myself? How many white feminists have you met that have mentioned, openly and vocally, their disgust at the way ethnic women are treated in particular in the media? Does it seem in any way equal to you that Tumblr, which is statistically frequented by around 85% white females between the ages of 15 and 25, is one of the biggest, most vocal groups when it comes to feminism, or that when rape statistics are published, women are treated as one group instead of as different ethnic groups so we can see where the problem lies in particular and focus on changing that area? I personally don't think it's fair or equal at all, and until white feminists learn to stick up for their ethnic sisters without talking over them, it's not going to change.
Another issue, and I know this is going to get a collective groan from the majority of feminists out there, is that feminism does not consider issues that only men face. Yes, I said that, and yes, I am serious. If you can't handle that, then leave, but this needs to be discussed and needs to be addressed. Why is it, ladies (and fellas), that we have made men out to be the enemy when statistically speaking, there are plenty of oppressive situations men go through (albeit not involving their gender)? Can we talk for a second about how only 30% of young men who apply to college graduate with a degree while close to 60% of young women do? Were you aware that, while more women suffer from depression, men that are depressed are nearly twice as likely to commit suicide because of it, and that in general, aneurotypical/mentally ill women are portrayed more sympathetically in media than aneurotypical/mentally ill men? How about the fact that more often than not, if a woman decides to terminate a pregnancy, she can do so without discussing it with her partner first, even if the man wants to be a father and was equally as responsible in making the child? How about the stats on battered men, being manipulated by female abusers into staying in abusive relationships because the woman (as a woman) is generally the one who will be ruled in court as getting the children if a divorce happens even if the father is the better parent, and in general are believed to be victims more than abusers? How about the fact that in society today, it's acceptable to laugh at jokes about a man being raped, but not a woman being raped, or that circumcision is considered legal for little boys but female genital mutilation is banned for little girls? And let's not forget about how rape culture affects men, who are expected to "always want it" and told to "consider themselves lucky" to be raped by an attractive woman. Or the macho culture espoused by both men and women, the culture that expects little boys to "man up" when they get hurt and "grow some balls" instead of expressing emotions, because a sensitive man is viewed as weak or inferior somehow even by women. How come all of this is considered okay when, were it a man doing it to a woman, it would be considered sexism?
Now, you can argue "Power + Prejudice = BIGOTRY" all day until the cows come home, but here's the thing, ladies - when it comes to reproductive rights and bearing children, we have a lot more say than men do about it because we carry the child to term. That gives us automatic power over what happens to a child, and over the man who helps us make that child. So, there's your power part of the equation. Now, combine that with the prejudice of the assumption that men are considered lazy slackers who will get a girl pregnant and then run off without paying child support, will abuse the child they didn't want, are just doing it to get their dicks wet without any regard for the child that was made in the process, etc. This prejudice directly contributes to the masculine idea that marriage and fatherhood is a trap, a pair of shackles, an 18-year prison that can leave men who don't want to be fathers feeling trapped, just like women in the past who were trapped by being expected to bear children when they married. So, huh. Look at that - you have the power of women over men in deciding the fate of the unborn child, and a general prejudice against men saying that they will likely run off and leave the woman a single mother if they're not forced, legally, to pay child support. And as you said before, Power + Prejudice is what again, ladies? Uh-huh. I thought so. And that's just one example. One.
So then, is it fair that we hold men to ridiculously high standards regarding child support when women aren't? Is it okay that a woman can hit a man, but if a man hits a woman it's considered abuse? Absolutely not, because not only does that imply that women are weak and inferior, it also implies that men are always aggressive and dangerous man-children - and that makes all of these men's rights issues absolutely 100% feminist issues. If we want gender equality, we need to solve inequalities that pertain to all gender identities, not just our own. We cannot ignore one group simply because that group is favored in society and has oppressed us in the past. If we want there to be true gender equality, we need to solve gender inequality in all spheres, not just our own. You can call that anti-feminist if you want, but that doesn't change the fact that behaving towards men as some men behave towards women is still sexism.
And, that brings me to yet another disturbing trend I have noticed. Many, many feminists apparently have no problem being openly transphobic, biphobic, or homophobic. There are feminists out there that think transwomen are not real women, simply because they were born with a penis. There are so-called feminists out there than think bisexual women like my little sister and pansexual women like myself are "gender traitors" because they might date and have (and enjoy!) sex with a man. There are feminists out there that honest to god believe that lesbians cannot rape other lesbians, or that all sex aside from lesbian sex is rape. There are people out there right now that believe these disgusting, backwards, bigoted ideas and promote them in the name of gender equality and women's equality, despite these beliefs being at odds with either of them. I have personally seen a feminist tell my bigender friend that she is a bad person and a "gender traitor" because he identifies as both male and female despite being born in a female body. One of my best transfemale friends from high school not only faces stigma for being transgender, but also faces stigma from women because she is "not a real women" in their eyes. My own mother saw a supposedly feminist meet-up advertised as saying that it would not accept transwomen attending the festivities, simply because they were born in a male body. I have been called a "gender traitor" simply because of my sexual orientation. None of this is fair, okay, equal, or even remotely feminist in concept, but people using the term "feminist" have espoused these ideas time and again. Never mind that there are already a lot of dangers a transgender or non-binary individual might face (of which rape is just one), never mind that transmen are treated just as horribly by these people and also considered "gender traitors". This is what a good chunk of feminism is considered to be now, and that makes me very upset and ashamed to be considered as a feminist in any way, shape, or form.
This, ladies and gents, is a humongous problem, because when feminism says it's for gender equality, that means it should be gender equality for all genders on the goddamn spectrum. Not just some. Not just one. All. Oh, and by the way, on the term "gender traitor"... you know where that phrase comes from? It comes from the Neo-Nazi/white supremicist term "race traitor", meaning a white person who supports the rights of other ethnic groups. When you call someone a "gender traitor", you are essentially saying that you subscribe to feminism in the same way a Neo-Nazi subscribes to white supremicy. You are aligning yourself with and declaring yourself to be part of a hate group, which I think we can all agree is decidedly not okay.
One more thing that, as a secular woman, disturbs me - secular women, that is, women who are agnostic, atheist, or both, are depicted more cruelly than secular men or religious women. I have not seen one positive portrayal in the media of a secular person, and I haven't seen secular women represented at all. I have been treated as evil, lesser, and a terrible person in general just because I'm Agnostic and female - I have had people who asked about what secularism is turn and walk away from me dismissively or even outright tell me I'm going to Hell simply for what I believe. I've gotten nasty looks, sneers, and other such dismissive treatment from people when I explained my beliefs to them, and I am the butt of frequent jokes simply because of my beliefs. There is a rather crude joke about secular women that goes something like, "I can convert any woman to Christianity - once I get her home, she'll be screaming 'Oh Lord, I'm coming'." Not once have I heard any jokes about secular men in this vein. I once ran a Center for Inquiry booth with my CFI group on campus at a community college I went to, and 9 out of 10 people turned away when I uttered the dreaded "A" word. One woman outright told us her daughter "wasn't interested" and steered her away from the booth even though the girl expressed interest in joining the group. Why? Because I am secular, I support secular values, and secular people are evil in the eyes of a Christian, God-fearing society. And guess what? My male peers did not experience nearly that much stigma when they ran the booth themselves later, in fact they got more people interested in the group. It's solely because I am secular, and a woman, that people turned away.
Has any sort of feminist group spoken about any of this? Did the college campus chapter of NOW protest about any of this? Absolutely not, because I can guarantee you the majority of feminists are Christians, simply because Christianity is one of the most widely practices religions world-wide. And in general, most Christians do not believe secular women are a thing. They scarcely believe secular men are a thing. I am automatically labeled as even more of a whore, more of a heathen, and more of a loose, evil woman when I screw up simply because of my beliefs. Not one secular man I have talked to has ever gotten that treatment. Not one. And worse yet, there are plenty of feminists that are telling me I deserve this simply because I am not Christian. Not one feminist I know of has ever told another feminist off for this sort of behavior. Ever. I have never seen a feminist crusade for religious freedom; in fact I have seen feminists crusade for the opposite, telling Muslim women that their religion is fundamentally oppressive and they are "slaves" for believing something other than Good Ol' American Christianity. It just does not appear that other religions are tolerated in certain circles of feminist beliefs, and that's an issue.
Is it any wonder then that so many people have declared themselves "anti-feminists" or "egalitarians" rather than feminists, particularly when this sort of nastiness and stigma is associated with the term? When men, ethnic women, bi- and pansexuals, and transgender/non-binary individuals feel like they are excluded, what else can the conclusion be other than that feminism is a girls-only clique full of bullies whining about how they aren't being treated fairly when they, too, have privilege? Do you all see now why I don't want to call myself a feminist? Why the hell would I when I do not feel safe and welcomed amongst other feminists? If it's not the stigma about men my little brother has to deal with, it's the stigma against secular women, or pansexual women, or my transgender friends, or women who are mentally ill being given a lot more understanding of their issues when my little brother (who is also anxious) gets less of it. Shouldn't feminism bond women and men closer together instead of driving a wedge between them? Yes, I believe it should, because feminism should be about equality and understanding. But right now, with the way many feminists silence dissenters and fail to dismiss nasty bigots who identify as 'feminists', we're not upholding that ideal. No, we are not, we are absolutely not, and no amount of justification you give will remove that horrid, festering, putrid stain on feminism as a movement.
Bottom line, there is too much bad feminism and not enough good, and the more and more I see of it the more and more I believe this is the case. I will only say this once, badfems: I do not support bullies and bigots, and real feminists shouldn't, either. I don't support hatred, nasty speech, privileged people talking over the oppressed about what's 'best' for them, and being told I am lesser by the very people who love telling me how much they are "liberating" me. I do not support being told by other women that my love of sewing, having a crush on a guy, or wearing skimpy, sexy dressed and low-cut tops is oppressive, and that whenever I dress up nice to impress a guy, I'm playing to gender roles and being a slave. I don't support telling other women they are "brainwashed" just because they disagree with something you say or do stereotypically feminine things like cooking, cleaning the house, having children and being a stay-at-home mom. Because the point of feminism is choice. A woman's choice, specifically to have the same autonomy as a man does, about what she does in life, what she believes, what she wants. The point of feminism is to make the genders equal, not to make women more powerful than men are as revenge for centuries of oppression. But right now, that's what I feel feminists as a whole are saying and doing, because too damn many of the ones like myself, the ones who want gender equality, the egalitarians, are being silenced and drowned out by the extremists, decried as bigots and monsters.
I think Frederick Neitszche said it best, ladies - One must take care nwhen you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes long also into you.