Comes from some other beginning's end.
- "Closing Time", Semisonic
I've said it before and will say it again, Masks of Nyarlathotep was an endeavor amongst endeavors, a project three years in the making for me as a Keeper. What began as the inspiration for my journey to becoming a stellar GM of a great tabletop game based on my favorite kind of horror, blossomed into something so intense and exhausting that I and my players still talk about it even now. It's been a great ride, one I'm ultimately glad I took, and I cannot thank my players enough for putting up with me for a year's worth of this insanity. My hope is that what's been written here, preserved online for future Keepers, may help someone better connect with this monster of a campaign and understand it better going forward. I wish there had been even more resources like this to aid me, and what I've learned can only make me a stronger Keeper. I hope it does the same for you.
What I'd like to do now is take this final entry to reflect and list some of the crazy adventures we've had, as well as what I've learned while running Masks. There's a lot, so I'll divide it into three parts. The first will be a list of the crazy shit my players' characters did, the second will be some applicable favorite quotes from every chapter of the campaign, and the third will be a list of things I learned specifically while running MoN. This entry will be a long one, so buckle up and get comfortable. Let's send it off with a bang, shall we?
Part One: The 35 Most Insane Things My PCs Did in MoN
- Shot, stabbed, and defenestrated a cultist that didn't even kill Elias... after stabbing the wall in anger over Elias' death.
- Fought off a Hunting Horror using a fog-producing spell.
- Fought off Fire Vampires using a fog-producing spell.
- Killed each other.
- Told the Brotherhood of the Black Pharaoh to fuck off by writing it on their own dead cat scare.
- Adopted a pet Dimensional Shambler, and fed it fabric scraps like a clothes moth.
- Did not lose a single goddamned person to the raid on Misr House... and fooled the cult there by pretending to be cultists to boot.
- Adopted a street urchin.
- Ransacked Faraz Najir's house out of pure greed/thinking he was a bad guy.
- Pet the Black Sphinx.
- Had pastries with the Black Pharaoh in his sanctum.
- Got high on drugs, watched a sandstorm, and then tried to give the pet Dimensional Shambler some drugs too.
- Used curry they bought from a cultist in London to blind another attacking cultist in Cairo.
- Literally shanghaied a man en route to Shanghai.
- Had a dogfight with a Shantak, then crash-landed the plane in Shanghai as a result.
- Met the Donald Trump Expy, then made friends with him.
- Became a ghoul.
- Befriended a whole pod of Deep Ones, an Elder Thing, and two Yithians.
- "Bye Felicia"ed the Bloated Woman.
- Had sex with the Bloated Woman.
- Blew up an island volcano lair, an underground city, and an entire mountain.
- Mind-swapped with a 60's-slang-talking Yithian scientist... then gave it alcohol.
- Actually fought a Flying Polyp, the suicidal idiots.
- Babysat one of Nyarlathotep's children.
- Smuggled cocaine along with two cultists, then made friends with one of the cultists.
- Fought off Fire Vampires with carbonated water and buckets on the train to Nairobi.
- Trusted Tandoor Singh too much, and Ahja Singh too little.
- Killed Tandoor Singh with the pet Dimensional Shambler and his own Fire Vampires.
- Got a lot of diarrhea.
- Punched a leopard in the nose, twice, as an old woman.
- Met Shub-Niggurath... and lived.
- Time-skipped 3 months forward to the date of the eclipse.
- Disguised themselves as cultists in order to sneak into the cultist jamboree.
- Rode a giant chameleon out of an exploding mountain while the Bloody Tongue God chased them out.
- Killed every single cult leader in the same exact way - a single shot to the head.
Part Two: My Favorite Player Quotes
Levi: I’ll be playing Dr. Morgan Baker to start.
Aidyn: Oh my God, Brad’s health and SAN. He’s gonna die tonight…
Gen: Oh, you won’t die… *smiles kindly*
Aidyn: *flatly* … watch me.
Levi: I call dibs on your organs!
Gen: … Morgan’s Organs?
Kat: Wait, you’re a treasure hunter? So, you basically rob temples…?
Rob: Pfft. What kind of laws on temple-robbing are there in the States, anyway?!
Gen: Yeah, you unmask this supposed cheesy “Ah Puch” act and find a very startled-looking Campeche native, clearly drunk off his ass.
Rob: Let’s see who Ah Puch really is, gang! *mimes unmasking* Old Man Mexican?!
Gen: And I would’ve got away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling Investigators…
NEW YORK:
Aidyn: It’s the dead of winter, so it’s entirely too hot for Anglo-Saxons…
Gen: So, as you’re all heading upstairs to Elias’ hotel room, the power suddenly cuts out.
Chance: *catching up with the party* Hey guys – power’s out.
Rob: *dryly* Yeah. We noticed.
Gen: So, you find your dear friend Jackson Elias dead… and these cultists are clearly the ones who murdered him in cold blood.
Aidyn: Brad just takes his switchblade, and goes over and stabs the wall…
Gen: *laughing* I mean, okay. You go like, *mimes stabbing the wall* AAAAAAAHHHH! And just start swearing up a storm in the most stereotypically New Yorker way possible…
Rob: Alright, start talking. What’s your name?
Gen: *in dubious Kenyan accent* My name na Uvuvwevwevwe…
Everyone: *absolutely loses it OOC, and IC is very confused*
Kat: *IC* What the hell did he say?!
Rob: *IC* Guys, I don’t know why you think his name is so hard, all he said was Uvuvwevwevwe…
Aidyn: … I’m sorry, what?
Chance: *pointing gun at the cultist* Alright, Apu…
Everyone: *laughs even harder for another five minutes*
LATER...
Aidyn: *referring to the Kenyan cultist above* Fuck this guy, gonna stab him several times.
Levi: Just. Shoot him in the other knee.
Rob: I’m gonna push him out the window!
Gen: *laughing* You guys are vengeful fuckers, aren’t you…?
Gen: Well you probably don’t want to remain in the hotel Elias died in… who’s gonna let Clayton bunk with them?
Kat: Uh, well. My apartment’s small and I spend 95% of my time at my girlfriend’s place in Red Hook. She lives at a whorehouse, though.
Gen: … No, fuck that. You’re not all staying at a whorehouse in Red Hook.
Gen: *creepy whispery Hunting Horror voice* Yaaaahhh thkgrln sthglh nha Nyarlathotep iaaaaa…
Levi: *to Rob* Uh, Clayton? Did you hear that?
Rob: I mean… probably just the electricity from the fuse box…
Gen: … Yeah, Clayton. Because electricity humming totally sounds like, *assumes creepy whispery Hunting Horror voice again* Yaaaahhh thkgrln sthglh nha Nyarlathotep iaaaaa…
Levi: Hey Clayton? Where did that mist back with the dragon thing come from?
Rob: Uh… the dragon made it.
Chance: A dragon who ate too much Taco Bell.
Gen: So, you enter the Ju-Ju House, intent on asking Silas questions. Clayton, however, is extremely excited by all the very real artifacts, like a kid in a candy shop.
Rob: *overly excited* DID YOU KNOW THIS IS REAL ZEBRA SKIN?!
Chance: He picks up a carved stick, and goes like, “Did you know, that this stick… is a phallic symbol?”
Gen: *laughs* He’s engaging the customers in the shop and talking their ears off. Silas is like, *dubious Kenyan accent* Sir, I like your energy, you are very good man but you scare my customers.
Gen: So, you know the Ju-Ju House closes at 5 PM every night, if you’re gonna stake it out. Oh, closed on Sundays too.
Chance: Oh yeah, gotta keep the Swahili Sabbath…
Gen: *as the captain, referring to crewman Nate spoken to earlier* Wait, who? I’ve never had any crewman named Nate… SAN roll please…
Chance: *crit fails* What?! 99?!
Gen: *laughs so fucking hard*
Chance: Oh wait, I mean… says here I’m immune to SAN loss from guys named Nate…
Gen: *still laughing* Nice fucking try, no you’re not… XD
Kat: *trying to calm an insane former employee of Walter Kimble* It’s okay, we can protect you from your boss, I promise…
Gen: *IC as madman* Not my boss! T-the Egyptian man, he… oh God, his name. H-he told me his name…
Kat: Well what was it? What was his name?!
Gen: *babbles IC* N-na Nyar na, na la Nyar na…
Kat: It’s okay, I promise we’ll protect you from Mr. Yarn.
Entire Table: *laughs so hard they cannot continue*
Gen: Oh… oh my fucking God, that’s Nyarlathotep’s new nickname now. Mr. Yarn… You’ll like, meet Nyarlathotep somehow, and some-fucking-body will just go like. “Ah, Mr. Yarn, I presume?” And both IC and OOC I will just absolutely fucking lose it…
LONDON:
Gen: So, you’re at the library looking for info on the fires that have been happening recently and on Tylesman’s description of “living embers”. Library Use?
Chance: *is the only one who fails, and he fails miserably*
Gen: I mean, you don’t find what you wanted…
Kat: He finds the Page Three Girls!
Gen: *laughs* Oh God, yes. The Page Three Stunner Girls…
Chance: *laughs, smirks* Y’know. I go in the bathroom and close the stall.
Rob: You know, they charge you if there’s stains on the pages…
Everyone: *dies of laughter because we are all five years old*
Gen: You’re delivered a silver covered platter by room service.
Rob: *peeks under it, finds horror, drops it* Uh… are any of you dog people?
Kat: Oh god, what’s in there? What’s under the lid?
Gen: WHAT’S ON THE PLATE?!
Chance: Is it Morgan’s Organs?
Kat: *laughs* GOD DAMN IT!
Gen: Yeah so. The Brotherhood delivered a dead cat to your room. Disturbing.
Rob: Brotherhood? Brotherhood of what?
Kat: The Brotherhood of Fucked-Up Shit is what! I wrap the dead cat in newspaper and scrawl on it in pen, “Fuck the Brotherhood.”
Rob: Is that really such a good idea?!
LATER…
Chance: *yelling, after seeing a Brotherhood cultist vanish into the fog* FUCK THE BROTHERHOOD!
Gen: I’m sorry, Brad’s dead…
Chance: It was his last smash…
Everyone: *laughs because we’re terrible*
Gen: The funeral’s brief, he’s cremated and sent home.
Chance: Just… mix him with the drinks. It’s what he would have wanted.
Kat: Oh my God, no… XD
Aidyn: You better pour vodka on my grave!
Gen: Hey nobody died… I’ll have to give you a bonus for not dying.
Levi: *smirks* Yeah, I think the bonus for not dying is called “Life.”
Everyone: *panicking over the Thing in the Fog invading Bridget’s house*
Kat: Oh God, we’re all going to die, TPK!
Gen: Does anyone have any ideas…?
Aidyn: *rolls a 004, is told it dislikes light* Guys! It doesn’t like the firelight!
Kat: I shine my flashlight on it!
Gen: Oh, it totally shrieks and then disappears.
Kat: … Really? That’s all it took? A light?!
Aidyn: *after summoning a Dimensional Shambler, goes up to pet it*
Gen: I mean, it seems tame enough… it’s just eating the cultists it murdered for you.
Aidyn: *nervously pets it*
Gen: *makes dubious purring-clicking noises* You know, it’s phasing in and out of existence, and it feels fuzzy. Like a velveteen bee or something.
Aidyn: It’s so cute! :D
Gen: Yeah, you get a new spell, Summon Fuzzy Bug Thing, by total accident. Good job thinking to use that knife!
Aidyn: BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!!!
Gen: You come to a turn-style type bridge.
Rob: … There’s something in the water, isn’t there?
Gen: I mean, maybe.
Rob: I Spot Hidden to look for trolls under the bridge.
Gen: The cultist goes to take a swing at Ewan.
Rob: I run over, and I yell, “HEY! KING OF CLUBS!”
Gen: Oh, my fucking God… *laughs*
Chance: You know what, it just hit me!
Everyone: *loses it*
Gen: Nice job, I cannot believe you all made it through the Raid on Misr House with no problems or casualties at all.
Rob: Can we all get points in Pilot Steamroller?
Gen: *laughs* Sorry Rob, but no…
Gen: You go see Nyarlathotep. He’s a guy, vaguely Egyptian-looking, has kohl-rimmed eyes that remind you of the kind of design you would see on a Pharaoh’s death mask…
Aidyn: *holds up her Yu-Gi-Oh! Manga jokingly*
Gen: *laughs* Aidyn, no, not like that… Nyarlathotep does not want to D-D-D-DUEL.
CAIRO:
Gen: Welcome to Cairo, you’re all gonna die-ro!
Aidyn: Can I hide my weapons in my bosom?
Gen: Yep, your dagger and straight razor are tucked into your garter bands, and your flare gun is secreted within your cleavage.
Aidyn: Extract it from my bosom!
LATER…
Levi: *IC, after Sarah pulls out her garter band knives* Is that really the safest way to store those?!
Aidyn: No, but it looks really neat.
Gen: Clayton, you wake up, hearing the ladies scream and gunshots happening. You see the saffragi from before trying to stab everyone with a knife, and the ladies are fighting him off. What do you do? He’s clearly a Brotherhood cultist come to murder you!
Rob: I shoot the guy… *rolls, shoots guy in stomach doing a hell of a lot of damage* … and then I roll over and go back to sleep, pillow over my head.
Gen: *laughs* Just… shoots guy, goes back to sleep.
Rob: *IC* It’s too fucking late for this shit!
Gen: Hey Ted! Drive Auto to swerve around the cultists’ truck!
Chance: *Rolls, fails miserably* Dammit!
Gen: Yeah… you lose control in the middle of the turn and crash into a fruit stall. Pomegranates and mangoes fly everywhere, coating the whole left side of your van, and splattering passersby.
Aidyn: Oh my God, this is pulp as fuck.
Chance: Literal pulp.
Gen: *As a terrified captured cultist* Please let me go! Please!
Rob: Yeah sure, I let him go… And then I immediately shoot him. *rolls, makes it*
Gen: You guys are cruel fuckers… Yeah, you hit him, and he cries out and tumbles into the Nile, where he is eaten by crocs.
Rob: Heh. Looks like you’re in… de-Nile.
Everyone: *groans and laughs*
Gen: So, seven Brotherhood cultists ambush you! Three head upstairs, three head for Ewan. *rolls for the last one* But this one cultist, he’s not very bright, see? He heads into the storage room and waits to ambush you, but he completely forgets what he’s doing and spends his time looking in wonder at all the trinkets in storage.
Chance: Oh my God, it’s Moon-Moon the cultist…
Gen: *laughs* God damn it, Moon-Moon!
Gen: *as a cultist, opens hand to reveal the inverse ankh she drew there* Fool. We are everywhere. We know! The Black Pharaoh cannot be denied!
Rob: *turns to Gen, OOC* I just shoot him.
Gen: *laughs* Jesus Rob, again? This is like the third time this campaign!
Gen: Nothing else remarkable about the Red Pyramid I’m afraid.
Aidyn: I think the Red Pyramid was a… red herring.
Gen: You notice the area where the symbol was, atop the Red Pyramid, has been removed.
Kat: It’s been… Red-acted.
Gen: *laughing* Guys, no, please, no more Red Pyramid jokes at my table…
Aidyn: Yeah, come on guys, she’s getting… red in the face.
Gen: FUCK YOU AIDYN.
Gen: *in Nyarlathotep’s Sanctum* All the gems suddenly flare to life, and you see a man in the throne… a pharaoh. Not just any pharaoh though, one you have seen before. One you saw in Gavigan’s basement as a bust. This is him… the Black Pharaoh. And you’re trapped in here with him. SAN roll!
Everyone: *panics, rolls, Rob and Levi fail*
Gen: Alright, if you passed *rolls* take 5. You’re stupidly lucky. I was rolling a d10 for that…
Kat: Oh Christ. What if you failed?
Gen: *evil grin, holds up d20, cackles maniacally, and rolls* Ooh… 18. *smirks*
Rob: Oh God! That’s almost my half value!
Gen: *As Nyarlathotep* Oh, go right ahead and leave. The door’s right over there.
Everyone: *runs to the door and finds it completely gone*
Gen: Oh yeah… it’s broken, isn’t it? I must have forgotten to mention that.
LATER…
Kat: Please, mate. Just let us out…
Gen: I have no idea what you’re talking about, Ewan… *trying very hard not to laugh* You can leave whenever you like, the door’s right there!
Kat: *after snagging a page of an old Arabic scroll from Dr. Kafour’s collection* Here ye go, Clayton. I cannae read it, but you can.
Rob: *looking over the prop* Wow, this is really well done… *sniffs the paper to see if it’s moldy, or just looks moldy*
Gen: So, Sarah, you have Occult. This scroll trips something in your mind. Roll it.
Aidyn: *rolls Occult and crits it*
Gen: You see this, and you know what it is immediately. This is a piece of scroll from the al-Azif… otherwise known as the Necronomicon.
Everyone: Oh shit!
Rob: … I just sniffed the Necronomicon!
Kat: Sandstorm, sweet! Let’s all get lacquered and watch the storm, none of us have ever seen one before you know! I’ll even share my booze and drugs with the ladies!
Aidyn and Levi: *agree to do it*
Gen: *laughing* Oh my God, that’s the most Ewan thing to do, ever. Just, sit around chewing khat, drinking Egyptian palm wine, and watching the sandstorm. Just. Puff, Puff, Pass.
Kat: *offers the accidentally summoned Dimensional Shambler some khat*
Gen: *cracks up* You’re giving it drugs?!
Rob: Yeah, it’s basically the most Ewan thing you can do, ever.
Gen: Why the fuck?
Aidyn: Because he’s Ewan.
Rob: *as he is pinned IC by cultists* Wait a second… I still have curry!
Everyone *laughs, especially Gen*
Gen: I mean, you Throw it?
Rob: *crits the Throw*
Gen: *laughs even more* Yep, right in his eyes, Clayton.
Aidyn: POCKET CURRY! *mimes throwing*
Gen: This is the most amazing session ever.
Gen: You’ve all been kidnapped by the Brotherhood!
Aidyn: But uh, OOC, do they ask us if we have a moment to talk about their Lord and Savior, Nyarlathotep?
Gen: *chuckles* God I wish, but no.
Everyone: *in the temple under the sphinx, debates where to run to*
Kat: Do you want us to go towards the hole or away from it?!
Chance: Kat! Do you really want to go towards the thing on the map marked as “Endless Hole-Void”?!
Gen: *in the plane, narrating the last bit of dialogue before the end* And Francis McCloud, pilot extraordinaire, speaks from the cockpit. “Thank you for flying Francis Airways, it’s gonna be a long, long time ‘til touchdown, folks. Next stop: Shanghai.”
Kat: *as her literally shanghaied new character Mahmoud, horrified* Shanghai?! As in China?!
Rob: *as Francis* No, the other Shanghai!
Chance: *as his new character Ludwig the German Surgeon* A pleasure to meet you, Mahmoud! *offering some smuggled rum from the cargo in the plane* Are you a drinking man…?
Kat: *IC, after people kept making jokes about Francis’ missing leg* Hey, stop picking on the pilot for his disability! The man was in the War, you know!
Rob: *IC as his new character* Thanks for standing up for me in that regard. I don’t otherwise really have a leg to stand on…
Gen: *laughing* Oh my God, please no. Please don’t make this another Red Pyramid Moment, guys…
Gen: So, inside the cargo, Ludwig, you find an abundance of… *pauses, turns to write on white board*
Chance: Spam.
Gen: *loses it* Oh God. No, Spam didn’t exist in the 1920’s, dude…
Aidyn: Well, why do you think we’re hiding it?
Kat: But I don’t like Spam!
SHANGHAI:
Someone: *says “Shanghai”*
Aidyn: SHANGHAI?!
Aidyn: *reading a newspaper clipping* They believe the fire was started by an overturned brassiere…
Everyone: *loses it*
Rob: *laughing* Aidyn, no… Brazier… Overturned brazier…
Chance: Oh, so those monks weren’t just a pair of boobs? Seems like we lost some great jugs of knowledge in that fire…
LATER…
Gen: So yeah, Sarah, you translate the sign outside this building… it’s a whorehouse.
Aidyn: Dammit! *tries to convince the others only women can enter, but fails her Fast Talk roll*
Gen: Yeah… nobody’s fooled.
Chance: It’s a place where you’ll find a lot of overturned brassieres.
Everyone: *loses it again*
Gen: It’s a lovely garden, by the way… there’s a huge gazebo-like structure in the center and everything.
Kat: Oh yeah, a gazebo of Nyarlathotep, great.
Gen: *laughing* It’s literally a dread gazebo…
Chance: A Shining Gazebohedron.
Gen: So, Mahmoud, please roll Locksmith to open this padlock if you could?
Kat: *rolls and nearly crits it* Damn, this table is excellent!
Gen: Oh yeah, the lock opens super easily. It’s not a very good lock.
Rob: *snickering* Lock made in China.
Everyone: *puzzles over the Elder Thing’s Hieroglyphic drawings*
Rob: Okay, guys. *points to a symbol* That’s either a baguette, or a football.
Gen: *whistles and makes “No” motion* And then it pokes you in the mouth, Francis.
Rob: Ugh! Oh wait, so it is food! So, this weird tentacle god creature has something to do with bread…
Gen: *restrains a laugh* It kind of just chirps sadly, and buries its head-tentacles in its arm tendrils like it can’t believe you’re going with that.
Chance: *OOC* I love our methodology for this. It’s either a football… or it’s bread.
Gen: I love that you made an Elder Thing facepalm.
Gen: Mr. Lung happens to know someone at the museum named Mr. Mao. Not to be confused with the other Mr. Mao.
Rob: Mr. Mao, huh? Is he the chairman or something?
Gen: *blinks slowly, then gets it and cracks up*
Gen: So, roll to see if Mr. Xiao likes your Credit Rating.
Kat: I got an 004!
Gen: *cracks up* Oh my God, the Trump expy fucking loves you. He’s very impressed.
Rob: She made a High-Energy roll!
Gen: *losing it* Congrats, you’re all friends with Chinese Donald Trump, by association with Mahmoud and his High-Energy roll.
Everyone: *rolls to find Mr. Xiao’s secret tunnel out… and Rob fumbles*
Rob: … Oh. A 100.
Gen: *laughs* Yeah, you go like, “Oh, here it is, Mr. Xiao!” And you go to lift the head of a bust of Mr. Xiao, Batman Lair style, only to completely break the head off. And Mr. Xiao goes, “Oh my God, what are you doing, McCloud?!”
Rob: I thought it was the secret entrance button, it looked out of place!
Gen: That was priceless!
Rob: It’s a bust of you!
Gen: *as Mr. Xiao* These lunatics… You know what I think we should do? We need to build an enormous wall, just tremendously huge, around a whole section of the city and just stick all the lunatics in there.
Rob: Uh, I hate to break it to you, Mr. Xiao, but China already has a Great Wall…
Aidyn: *after reading The Goddess of the Black Fan* You know what, that was vile. But she held that fan up to her face the whole time they were having sex. That’s commitment.
Gen: Just. Never let her remove the fan and sleep with the lights off.
Chance: Just tape it permanently onto her face.
Kat: Hey, hey, you, you, I want to be your ghoul-friend!
Gen: No way, no way, I know it’s not a secret!
Kat: Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your ghoul-friend!
Chance: Man, ghouls are awesome, I wanna be a ghoul too!
Levi: You’re telling me. I get to travel the world and the Dreamlands, and I have access to exquisitely flavored meats.
Everyone: *loses it*
Kat: Oh God, he’s not wrong…
Aidyn: It’s like every Frenchman’s dream, basically…
Kat: *speaking to the Bloated Woman in a dream* Yeah sure, of course you win. Bye, Djinni.
Gen: *loses it* Oh my God, did you just “Bye, Felicia” Nyarlathotep?!
Kat: … Yeah, I guess I did. *laughs*
Gen: *laughing* Nyarlathotep doesn’t know what to say to that, he’s too busy laughing.
Chance: *fails his Stealth roll* Oh. Uh-oh.
Gen: The sailor sees you, unfortunately.
Chance: *thinking fast* Oh, I’m sorry, I had too much to drink and stumbled onto the boat… *fails his Charm roll* Dammit!
Gen: Guy goes, “Hey, wait a minute… you’re not drunk!” Can you justify pushing the roll?
Chance: Uh, uh… *suddenly mimes pulling his shirt open*
Gen: *loses it* Oh my fuck, roll Charm, with a bonus!
Chance: *rolls an 8%* Oh my God, it even looks like boobs! 008!
Chance: *After Mahmoud is sexually assaulted by the Lady of the Black Fan* Doesn’t matter, had sex.
Gen: Yes, after all this, the Bloated Woman cackles and leaves back the way she came, through the rather yonic-looking statue portal.
Chance: … What a cunt.
Everyone: *loses it*
Chance: I’ve been waiting forever to say that.
AUSTRALIA:
Gen: *as the group is meeting the two new Australian characters, smirks* So yeah, you hear them talk about all this, Neville, but none of it’s as crazy as Drop-Bears…
Kat: *IC* Oh yeah, mate, Drop-Bears are no fuckin’ joke! They’re real, they are, drop down from the trees and kill ya!
Rob: *IC* Oh really? Because where I come from, we have something similar called a Snipe…
Gen: *laughing* Just… Drop-Bears and Snipes. That’s what this game is now.
Kat: *as Chak'xirax, sees Francis drinking* Oh, ethanol! May I try some of the ethanol?
Rob: Uh, sure.
Gen: NO! DO NOT GET THE YITHIAN DRUNK!
Gen: You get on the train to Port Hedland, and it’s oppressively hot.
Kat: Oh man, I’m leaking all the salty fluids…
Kat: *as Neville, noticing the Aboriginals on the train are reacting to him with concern* Uh, did I punch someone while I was, you know…?
Rob: Let’s not talk about the other you, Neville. The other you is a fuckup.
Kat: Oi, you think maybe that Sand Bat cunt was this chaos god too?
Chance: *snickers* Just. Neville telling the story of Sand Bat and Rainbow Snake. “Once upon a time, Sand Bat was a cunt. Rainbow Snake tricked him. The end.”
Gen: I really need Neville to narrate other stories. “Mary had a little lamb. It was a cunt. The end.”
Kat: *as Neville* Mary had a little lamb, the little shit followed her to school, it got flyblown and died, she ate it and it tasted like shit. The end.
Gen: So, Vern’s other son, Jacko Slattery, is none too bright. He looks like he has Down Syndrome and just stands there blowing one long note on his harmonica.
Kat: I sense a Deliverance theme here…
Gen: You hear any banjoes yet?
Gen: You convince the Slatterys to follow you. The whole two miles back to the camp. Frank boasts about how awesome he is, Vern swears drunkenly, and Jacko plays that single goddamned note on the harmonica the entire fucking time.
Rob: I swear to God I am going to ram that harmonica down his throat.
Gen: *laughing* Oh my God… SAN roll.
Kat: They’re that annoying?!
LATER...
Rob: *pretends to play the harmonica after Jacko drops it*
Kat: I swear to bloody fuck, mate, if I hear one more fucking harmonica I’m going to shove it down your throat. They’re fucking worse than a Digeridoo!
Gen: So, the Flying Polyp slams down nine tentacles, and seven of them hit – one critically. Roll Dodge.
Levi: *rolls* Um… 99.
Kat: He’s dead.
Chance: I swear to God, Levi’s characters are always the first to die!
Gen: Actually, um… yeah, each does a 1d10 of damage… *rolls 7d10 and reads off numbers* So, splat.
Levi: 47 damage. I took 47 damage. I now have -38 HP.
Gen: Uh, yeah. Last thing Lucas ever says is, “… Oh, bugger.” And then he is smashed into a red pulp.
Chance: Just. “Crikey.” Splat.
Rob: I’m going to leave the crazy guy in the tent alone.
Kat: Well, we can’t just leave him out here!
Rob: I’m not going to fight my way through seven divine dingoes.
LATER…
Rob: *As shit is once more hitting the fan* Where are my divine dingoes?!
Kat: My Throw is pretty damn high, 50-something.
Aidyn: Throw my God!
Gen: From inside of the pit, you hear the sound of howling, screaming, and babies crying.
Aidyn: Oh my God, it’s an 8th Grade health class!
Gen: So Muuzaji, you help to deliver this poor insane woman’s hellspawn, and it just so happens to imprint on you. It’s a bit like Sand-Bat but smaller, with four eyes, and three clawed legs as well as three finger-claws on its wingtips.
Aidyn: Aww! I wanna keep it!
Rob and Kat: No!
Chance: We can name it Erik!
Aidyn: That’s dumb. I’m naming it Ufiti.
Gen: *laughing* Just. Name the Nyar-spawn. I love you guys.
Gen: *as Kakakatak* Well, Muuzaji, it is not the best idea to keep a child of the Crawling Chaos. It is a big responsibility, human. You need to feed it, bathe it, take good care of it…
Aidyn: That is alright, I do that with McCloud anyway.
Entire Table: *loses it*
Aidyn: I shoot Huston in the back!
Gen: It hits true and he turns, looks at you, then turns back to the others and says, “You bastards… you got me monologuing, didn’t you?”
Kat: *OOC* Someone didn’t read the Evil Overlord List, did they?
Chance: I point my gun at Huston, and say, “Oh, Huston? Ze doctor is in.” *mimes shooting him*
Entire Table: *flips shit at the awesome*
Chance: So, that lady who birthed Erik… was the sex absolutely batty?
Aidyn: Chance oh my God no.
Gen: Hey. Sand-Bat does it in the dark. ;D
Chance: *singing* I like it better with the lights off!
Aidyn: *singing* Baby shut the door and turn the lights down low…
Chance: Hey, when we go to Kenya, can I have Muuzaji show us around?
Aidyn: Sure.
Rob: *grinning* I dunno, Kenya?
Aidyn: *standing abruptly* I’M DONE!
Gen: You’re smuggling cocaine.
Aidyn: Now, Ludwig, do not touch that…
Chance: *mimes curiously sniffing the powder*
Gen: Uh yeah, Ludwig… you’re feeling pretty wired.
Chance: JA! GET ME 10 CC’S OF SCHNITZEL!!!
Entire Table: *Loses it*
Rob: *after finding out two cultists have snuck aboard the plane* I say we just let them duke it out.
Aidyn: NO! They’ll damage the cargo!
Chance: Just shoot them!
Aidyn: NO!
Gen: Yeah, while you’re doing this, one of them gets a swipe at the other guy.
Rob: I shoot him in the leg. *makes roll, does damage*
Gen: The cultist is bleeding now.
Aidyn: NOT ON THE COCAINE!
Aidyn: I’m going to shoot the undead Omar Shakti. I aim my barrel point blank at his head, and I say, “Say hello to your mummy.”
Entire Table: *groans*
Chance: *Gets up*
Gen: Hey wait, it’s not break time…
Chance: I know. That one-liner was just so bad, I had to leave.
KENYA:
Chance and Gen: *singing loudly and off-key* I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AAAAAAFRICAAAAA!
Aidyn: *Intimidates a hotelier into letting her stay in a whites-only hotel*
Rob: Chief, what the hell are you doing?!
Levi: I think she is negotiating our accommodations…
Gen: Well Muuzaji, you only have one more thing to do now that you’re all done in Mombasa.
Aidyn: What?
Gen: Cocaine.
Everyone: *loses it*
Gen: *laughs* I meant you need to get the cocaine to where it needs to go!
Aidyn: *mimes snorting cocaine*
Chance: Bloody Nose Cult.
Gen: *showing off the railway map to Nairobi* So you’re going here, a 15-18 hour trip, and Mombasa… *scrolling the map down* is down…
Chance: *interrupting* IN AAAAAAAFRICAAAAA!
Gen: God damn it, Chance, is that going to be the “SHANGHAI?!” of Kenya?!
Gen: *rolls a 100 for the Fire Vampire to attack* Well this Fire Vampire isn’t too bright, see. He not only fails to light you ablaze, he actually misses you, lands in an ice bucket, shrieks, flies back out, then gets hit with the splash back from McCloud’s seltzer hose he’s spraying.
Aidyn: Damn it, Moon-Moon!
Chance: Nah, it’s Sun-Sun, the derpiest Fire Vampire.
Gen: Just. The other one gives a hissing sigh. “God damn it, Sun-Sun!” Meanwhile Cthugha, somewhere in interstellar space, just kinda flare-palms and goes, “Dammit, Sun-Sun!”
Chance: Nyar is like, “You had one job!”
LATER...
Gen: Well, you killed Sun-Sun…
Chance: Carry on, my wayward Sun-Sun.
Rob: Don’t talk to me or my Sun-Sun ever again.
Rob: *trying to convince the hotel owner to let Muuzaji into the building* Listen, buddy, you really don’t wanna mess with my friend here…
Chance: Yeah, you see his leg? His friend broke it because he wouldn’t let the guy into his house!
Gen: *after Tandoor’s shop burns down* Well, Tandoor Singh crawls out of the burning wreckage of his house, his leg broken from the battle with Shelly. He’s burnt from the fire, and eventually the police get called on him. The next morning, the Nairobi Star’s frontpage headline reads, “Fired! Local Tea Store Owner Convicted of Ritual Murders!”
Chance: Heh, he got Tandoor… singed.
Everyone: Ayy!
Gen: *as an NPC* There is a symbol meant to ward great evil. It has been foretold that you found it… and know how to use it.
Rob: Oh yeah! I draw the Elder Sign.
Gen: That is part of it, yes, but there is another, more powerful sign, like an eye…
Rob: Oh that one, yeah, the Super Elder Sign!
Gen: *breaks character, laughs* Yep. That’s what the Eye of Light and Darkness is called now. The Super Elder Sign.
Gen: So, what do you wanna call this chameleon?
Chance: Erik!
Rob: Oh god. “No, Ludwig, we aren’t naming it ‘Faust’…”
Chance: Can I just like, throw the Chameleon at the problem?
Aidyn: Invoke Chameleon.
Chance: Rebuke Chameleon. Turn Chameleon.
Gen: I’m sorry, Clayton, but apparently your water wasn’t cleaned properly. You end up with Dysentery.
Rob: Oh God, why me?!
Gen: Everyone but Clayton also notices the quicksand. Clayton must be pulled out.
Chance: You can just see the shit streak as he’s pulled out.
Gen: He’s added a bit more liquid to the quicksand.
Rob: *Grumbles* Oh God above, hail Mary!
Chance: God, I love Dysentery!Clayton…
Chance: I hate the jungle; can we go back to Australia?
Gen: Welcome to the jungle, we’ve got fun and games!
Rob: *bitterly* Welcome to the jungle, where it always fucking rains.
Chance: *sings* Welcome to the jungle, where Clayton shits his brains! Muuzaji wants to fuck a tree and Sarah’s gone insane!
Aidyn and Gen: Feel my… serpentine!
Gen: *after everyone fails a CON roll not to get ill* Well… sometimes, you have shitty days. And this time, you all have a very shitty day indeed, because all of you have diarrhea from spoiled food.
Chance: *singing* Quick before the diarrhea comes!
Gen: It’s OK though because you get over it quickly.
Chance: This just has not been Clayton’s week at all. Actually, you know what? I want him to have diarrhea one more time…
Rob: Dude, no! *laughing*
Gen: Well, let’s see what Nyarlathotep thinks of that… *rolls, gets a 28%* Oh, he thinks it’s a great idea! Shouldn’t have had so much coffee, Clayton…
Rob: Not again! *sobs*
Chance: The Bloody Butt!
Gen: *absolutely loses it along with the rest of the table because we’re all five years old*
Gen: This poor warthog is ramming itself into the tree, injuring itself, and seems to be covered in terrible boils. It’s not acting like a normal animal, certainly.
Aidyn: Poor thing. I shoot it to put it out of its misery.
Gen: You do that, I’m not even making you roll to do it. You hit it right in the head, it makes a pitiful grunt, then drops to the ground.
Levi: Hakuna matata.
Gen: Oh god, guys… no, guys. Pumbaa, no!
Aidyn: Luau!
Gen: Enala, what do you do to escape the leopards? You have no weapons…
Levi: … Well, I can try to punch them.
Gen: *smiling, thinking it won’t work* Well, go ahead and try.
Levi: *promptly rolls a 01% on Fighting (Brawl)*
Gen: *loses it* Holy shit yes, you absolutely punch the leopard, and it looks at you in confusion.
Aidyn: Sarah also punches the leopard. *Rolls, also makes with a 01%*
Gen: *laughs even harder* Just. Oh my god, punch the leopard!
LATER…
Gen: Gonna punch the leopard again, Enala?
Levi: Yes. *rolls* … How do I pass again?!
Gen: You guys just fucking punched this leopard three times in a damn row, it’s had enough and leaves you alone. *dying of laughter* What is this session tonight even? This session is just fucking magical…
Gen: There’s this massive black hole to somewhere in the wall. Remember what happened the last time you were in a temple with a massive black hole?
Rob: A MUSE album came out.
Gen: *laughs* Rob, no… It’s not a Super-Massive Black Hole. It’s just a regular ol’ huge hole-void tunnel to somewhere.
Rob: Oh, so a Regular Sized Black Hole.
Everyone: *flipping shit after meeting Shub-Niggurath, somehow surviving, and not losing more than a few points of Sanity*
Chance: Oh my God, what if we had failed?
Gen: You’d have screamed in fear, and she would have trampled you all to death.
Levi: Let’s just say it would have been a very baaaaaad day.
Chance: That would have been an udder disaster.
LATER…
Gen: So the cultists follow you into the tunnel, thinking you’re in there further. About twenty minutes later, you hear horrific shrieks, the sound of trampling hooves and squishing bodies, and a long, low bleating sound.
Rob: Well, sucks to be them…
Levi: Squish.
Gen: Yeah, I mean. Shubby is the Mother, she’s pretty much always pregnant. How do you think she feels being interrupted from her sleep?
Chance: Oh God… XD
Gen: “Shut the fuck up, you assholes, I’m tired!”
Gen: So, you reach the plains before the Mountain, and you see all these cultist camps. There’s gotta be every cult you have seen represented here, at least 10,000 if not more of them.
Rob: Jesus, 10,000 or more?! Are they having a fucking jamboree?!
Gen: *laughing* Yep, the Nyarlathotep cultist jamboree…
Gen: You look in the shiny obsidian and… *Nyarlathotep voice* guess who behind you with his hand on your shoulder, Sarah…? *evil laugh*
Aidyn: If she fails I want her to think she is Nyarlathotep’s waifu. *actually makes the SAN check*
Gen: Okay, you see through the illusion. Not this time I guess… maybe next time.
LATER…
Aidyn: *fails a Sanity Check against Hypatia as the Womb-Sac and takes like 20 SAN* Oh no! Not like this! Not like this!
Gen: YES LIKE THIS! is this what Nyarlathotep meant for you when he kept hitting on you, Sarah? Does this make you his new wife?
Aidyn: Ah~… *touches shoulder*
Gen: *dreamily* Oh my, senpai actually touched me!
Rob: *just took a shitload of SAN from accidentally fumbling his Cthulhu Mythos roll and seeing Nyarlathotep with no avatar*
Aidyn: *as Muuzaji* McCloud, snap out of it, what the hell did you see?!
Rob: *squeaks* Him.
Levi: … Oh. *realizing*
Rob: *OOC* Clayton, meanwhile, has an idea. He sees how Francis is reacting, and says, *As Clayton* Someone get me a sack, put it over his head!
Gen: *laughs* Okay, you do that. Francis just kind of sits in the corner and wibbles sadly.
Gen: You have a chameleon and three sticks of dynamite to do this. Don’t fuck up!
Chance: If we throw the chameleon on the dynamite, how much do we now have?
Gen: You now have two dynamites and no chameleon.
Gen: You totally ride the Giant Chameleon out of the Mountain while Nyarlathotep chases you, shrieking in rage at his failure.
Rob: I turn around and yell back, “CHECKMATE!”
Entire Table: *Flips shit at the pulp*
Aidyn: Oh my God… Masks is actually over.
Rob: It just hit me, it’s over…
Gen: I know. I feel hollow inside…
Chance: Honestly, I’m sick of Nyarlathotep.
Gen: But what have we learned? If Nyar asks you to play a game, DON’T.
Part Three: 20 Things I Learned From Running MoN
- Call of Cthulhu could really benefit from a more streamlined combat system, especially for big group battles. This was a constant issue especially in later chapters when I started throwing groups of enemies at the players. I ended up creating my own system by grouping enemies together randomly, placing clusters between PCs in DEX order, then rolling for each when their turn arrived. This interspersed combat between the players and made the battles much more fun.
- You can guide events without your players ever suspecting they're not the ones making the choices. I've said it before and will probably say it again, but if you can subtly suggest that your players do something, they will likely do it even if you told them to. This kind of misdirection is used by stage magicians all the time, and you'd do well as a Keeper to learn from it - in essence, it's railroading that doesn't feel like railroading.
- I don't think I will ever grow tired of playing Nyarlathotep. You'd think I'd be fatigued after a year of being in his ever-shifting shoes, but I'm really not. He's kind of like a particularly addictive drug that way - you have one taste, and you want more immediately. He's just that much fun! I don't think my players felt similarly, though...
- Too much familiarity breeds contempt, but just enough of it, once shattered, breeds horror. Sure, once the players get used to the threats, they don't seem scary. Precisely why you have to switch things up and keep them on their toes, especially in a long campaign like MoN.
- If you're kind enough when playing the enemy, you can get the players to trust them. You absolutely should do this, it breeds paranoia like you wouldn't believe. I pulled this trick several times on my players, and not once did they ever pick up on it until it was too late. They thought Gavigan was their ally. They thought Ho Fong was their enemy, then thought they had gotten that wrong, before I proved him enemy again. They thought Tandoor Singh was a decent man. They thought M'weru in disguise was a damsel in distress. It really is as they say: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...
- Every human being on earth will jump at the chance to play Indiana Jones. MoN is the campaign where your players get to be all the pulp stereotypes they love, and it works a dream. Encourage this! They're fun characters, and when else will you get the chance, eh?
- Always try to use monsters you haven't used before - the look on players' faces is just priceless. This is true for the Lovecraft aficionado players as well as the naive players who know nothing else about the Mythos. Plus, it's fun to use new and exotic creatures!
- Your players will always surprise you. Mine did constantly, and I think I've discussed that plenty in the blog entries and the Unmasking Nyarlathotep entries, so I won't elaborate here.
- Long campaigns can leave players jaded. Never let them get used to the threat, and always have side scenarios as breathers, especially in case of player absences.
- Because of the above points, it is entirely possible - indeed even necessary - to create scenarios, scenes, and scares entirely on the fly. I created the Sweeney Todd analogue scenario in London over the course of a week. I made up the whole skirmish in Faraz Najir's abandoned shop in Cairo over a 15 minute break. It's good to cultivate this skill in yourself!
- Improvisation is one of the best possible skills a Keeper can cultivate in themselves. It's important to know when you need to act on the fly, and to always seem prepared. The nature of tabletop roleplaying is such that you can't predict everything that will happen, and that's fine. Just never let 'em see you sweat!
- The in-jokes must flow... so let them! Horror and humor pair very well together, with one naturally complimenting the other. Humor defuses horror, yes, but it also makes the horror that follows all the more awful by comparison. I can promise you, they might be giggling over that derpy cultist you keep rolling straight 100's on for now, but they won't be laughing when that cultist's boss traps them in the temple, or they get stuck in the Bent Pyramid with the Black Pharaoh, or they're ambushed by a screaming mass of even more cultists...
- Designing cult sigils with your own style is very fun. I enjoyed sketching out and conceiving ways to twist up the cult symbols for this campaign, making them unique just in case my players happened to accidentally see one of the symbols online somewhere and spoiled it for themselves. You've seen an inverted Brotherhood ankh, sure, but you haven't seen my inverted Brotherhood ankh.
- If you tell your players a campaign will be very lethal, there's bound to be that one player that creates all of their characters specifically for them to die in horrible ways. Encourage this, because killing off PCs is fun and adds drama. Just don't kill them off when it's not dramatic, story-appropriate, or fun/fair to do so.
- There's also going to be that one player that reacts to the above by making way more characters than anyone else, more than they will ever play. Also encourage this, because the extra characters can be backups for other campaigns if necessary.
- The more you try to make a rival NPC likeable, the less likely your PCs will cooperate with that. Walter Kimble was otherwise a nice, fun, likeable guy except for being a kidnapping dickhead. My players held that over him forever, and it even passed down to characters who had never met him. The hatred for Kimble was that damn strong.
- The Dholes' House is the most useful thing for creating scenario seeds in the world. Seriously, their Seeds of Doom generator has genuinely saved my ass multiple times in running MoN. That, and they have a CoC 7e character sheet in their Investigator Maker application that is specifically built for MoN. Use it!
- The more brutal and cool the deaths in your campaign are, the more your players will want to throw their characters to the wolves just to see what happens. Cool deaths are always a treat, and I've never had a player complain about losing a character if their death is awesome or epic enough. It's just really satisfying to see a character you created go down fighting, or up in flames, or eaten by a horrible creature. Gruesome, but satisfying.
- Fatigue in a long campaign is best countered with a nice long break, some board games, and lots of beer and food. MoN is intense as hell, and needs to have a break in the middle of the campaign for everyone to recuperate. For us, that meant Rob ran a scenario of his own in between - Forget Me Not, from The Things We Leave Behind. We also played a lot of Mansions of Madness, Elder Sign, and other cooperative board games in order to calm down and unwind from the tension. After a couple weeks, we were ready to start anew and head into the second act, with minor breaks in between as needed for group morale. Board games really are the great equalizer.
- No matter what happens, never ever give up! This campaign is an endeavor, and it can be easy to grow tired of it and just stop partway through. Don't let that happen, and don't worry if it does. Just pick it up with a new group, organize it again, and start over. If at first you don't succeed...